You have no idea how much I love talking to you, even if it means talking about nonsensical things. I love how I can sometimes hear you smile through the line. I love how your voice gets deep when you whisper, or just want to get more intimate than a phone call. I love everything about our phone calls, how you greet me with “yo”, no matter how impersonal it may seem because it reminds me of Jesse from Breaking Bad and that is awesome.
You make me smile. That’s the problem. You still make me smile and you still make my heart leap with this overwhelming joy when you talk to me and say things like…how I’m always too far away from you. I love how you’re always in places I used to be in. How you’re near my university or my high school. Or how you’re stuck in traffic because you have no idea how much I just want to be with you and see you again.
There is this longing that is bigger than me and larger than life and my heart cannot contain it. Hearing you laugh, hearing you smile…you have no idea what it does to me. And I wish—no, I pray that I could be, more often, the reason why you smile and laugh. I like making you laugh. I like hearing you laugh. And it’s so incredibly insane how I want to see your smile again. How I want to see you again. How I want to be inside your brain for a second to see how you think. What you think about me.
I miss you so much and talking to you tonight makes my heart leap with this insane hope that maybe I’ll see you again. And I keep wishing, saving that birthday wish to see you. To be with you even for just a while, just like before. You have no idea. Or maybe you do. I don’t know. All I know is that I wish I never had to put down the phone because I like listening to your voice and I do not want to forget. I want to remember. Even if it means it will hurt in the coming days. I want to remember you.